Cyprian Brady: Myth and Reality

AK of the Irish Election Literature Blog has posted FF TD Cyprian Brady's letter to constituents. To the lay observer, this piece of literature seems disconnected from the lives of ordinary people to the point of farce. However, to the best of my abilities, I have endeavoured to reconcile this document with reality.

'The Strong New leadership of Micheál Martin'
We have chosen a very talented captain for our sinking ship

'Dublin Central needs politicians who are local and experienced'
I don't have much going for me but I'm old and not a culchie.

'We have many reasons to be hopeful'
Only a few months until the second series of the Walking Dead.

'This country has a strong base on which we can build' 
More houses?

'An education system is in place that allows our young people to realise their dreams'
Please note, these dreams must involve either emigration or working in a call centre.

'We have a modern transport infrastructure that stretches from one end of the country to another'
Now you too can experience the joys of Leitrim!

'If elected I will continue to work with people as people - people living in a real community'
For several years I was under the impression that I was working with werewolves in a shoebox.

'My priorities will continue to be . . . to work closely with schools at all levels to make sure our young people have choices about their future'
London or Manchester?

'I hope to meet you in the course of the campaign to discuss what I can do for you and the community'
Unless what you and the community want is for me to fuck off.

'I thank you in advance for your courtesy and support'
Please don't hurt me.